Monday, June 28, 2010

Updates and a lot of bitching.

Well I have been M.I.A. lately. Well ok, not so much M.I.A. as I have been lazy. Life has been pretty dull since my last post. It's still the usual everyday grind; work, school, and having a long distance e-mail relationship with my husband. We are a little over 1/4th through this deployment and I am just over it. I hate to be a whiner, I know there are people who have it worse, but grrrr! I am just so exhausted with it all. Even though I am complaining, we have been really lucky with this deployment. We get to talk every day, almost all day. He is in a very safe place, doing a very safe job. But soon the communication is going to change. He is losing his personal internet and his shift is changing. We will still be able to talk. But no more webcam or skype. I KNOW! Beggers can't be choosers. But I got in to this routine and then it changes.

We just had our R&R about two weeks ago and it was FABULOUS! We ate out, went to the local casino area, and just hung out. It was a great vacation for both of us. The day he went back was just terrible! I slept the entire day to try to forget that I sent him back for the second time. R&R is really a rollercoaster of emotions. I got back in to the "house wife" routine to have it all taken away again. But I am glad he was atleast given the chance to come home.

Lately there have been some real issues with ignorance and just down right STUPIDITY on Twitter and Facebook. My husband is an enlisted soldier with 3 children that he supports and I work as a civilian contractor. We don't make a lot, but we do make enough. I am really tired of feeling like this isn't good enough! There are people out there that don't work, that live off of their husband's income and LIVE IT UP. They may not realize it, but they have a tendency to throw their "better than normal" things in others faces and not every now and then, but almost ALL the time! It is not necessary to post dollar amounts of the items you have purchased, bc you know it was expensive and people will be jealous. It is not necessary to complain that the extra forms of income are not enough for you and your "MUST HAVE" life style, knowing that it is more than what most people make in a month. I know how exciting and gratifying it is to work hard and buy that big ticket item. But when you aren't the one making the money for it and you are just being selfish, it isn't impressive. It's actually quite rude. I am in no way, saying I am always 100% considerate in this aspect. There are times that I get really excited about new purchases and want to flaunt them, who doesn't? But I make a point to not make it look like I am throwing it in people's faces. I don't talk about my husband's rank, I don't think it is necessary for people to know his pay grade, bc I know that there are people out there who's husband's are lower pay grades and it is rude to flaunt that. I just wish that people would think twice sometimes about what they say and do.

Another issue is the whining about separation! Again, I want to recognize that there are people out there who's husbands will be gone for much longer than mine, and those who don't get the luxury of talking to them every day like I do with mine. But we are all suffering the same thing. SEPARATION of THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of miles. I understand CQ duty, training weeks, and field time is a bummer. I hated that all when my husband was home in the states. But I realized it was just a couple to a few days and it is basically guaranteed he would be home. No matter how safe the job is on paper for a soldier who is down range, we all know that the likelihood of something TERRIBLE happening and him possibly not coming home. This chance is a lot greater than the likelihood of something happening while your husband keeps sluts out of the barracks for 24 hours. I cannot stand the "my life is over" bc my husband is going to be 30 miles away sitting at a desk for 24 hours, CRAP! It's especially rude when the majority of the people you converse with are those with deployed soldiers. It is like there is no remorse, no consideration. NOTHING! I am so tired of it!

I have a friend whose boyfriend leaves for a couple weeks at a time and comes home for a few days and goes back out. I am so jealous of her. I would take that over being separated for 10 months straight. But she is so considerate about it. I sympatize with her just as I would someone who hasn't seen their significant other for months. This is how the military spouse community should work. There isn't room for selfishness. We are all suffering and we need to realize this. I don't have the time to play "whose shit stinks more" with immature people anymore.

Now that I have bitched and complained enough for a life time, I will end with this.

As military spouses and girlfriends, we are all fighting the same fight, we all go through separation, but think... could it be worse? Because chance are it could be A LOT worse. Be considerate, don't fight with those who are living through the same struggles as you are, and be considerate of those who may be suffering more.

Friday, April 23, 2010


Have you ever heard that amazing song, I am Changing sung by many, but most well known when sung in the movie DreamGirls by Jennifer Hudson. It is a song that I am VERY familiar with. I love the song and its meaning is really starting to show true in my life these days. It talks about how she is making changes in her life, making herself better, but how she can't do it alone. How she "needs a hand."

My life is changing, no matter if I want it to or not, the changes will be made. But in order for these changes to work in my favor, and be the most beneficial for myself and my family, I need that "hand." With my husband thousands of miles away, I can't depend on him to help me make these changes in my life.

My life changed drastically about 7 months ago, when I left everything I knew and moved to be with my then boyfriend, now husband. I left my parents, my friends, school, work, everything. Not knowing how hard it really was going to be. I went about 4 months not doing anything. I played house wife. Then realized that wasn't me. I have to contribute in everyway to the home and relationship. As well as make myself better in the process. Having some college credits isn't enough for me. Being able to make the plates shine, isn't enough for me. I want that degree. I want that home with the dishwasher in it. I want more. Not just for myself, but for my family.

So the changes are becoming bigger and better. I am working now at an amazing job. I love my job and especially love my paychecks! I am finally equally contributing to the household income. This job isn't just a job for the time being, it comes with the ability to transfer. So no matter where my husbands career takes us, I have the upper hand in finding an equally great job at the next location.

I have started school again. I am half way to my bachelors degree in Psychology and found out the other day that finishing my degree could take as little as a year!! So there is the potential that before my husband comes home. I will have a degree! Helping with any job hunting in my future, along with maybe an increase in income!

In about a week, I will be starting the process of finding a new place to live. Something so much better than where I am currently. It has EVERYTHING I could ever need or want included! To include the safety factor. It is pricier, but with the changes I am making in my life, it is ok. IT IS AFFORDABLE! Something I didn't think I would be able to say about this place, for a LONG LONG LONG time.

My life isn't not close to where I want it to be. It is stressful, it is crazy, it keeps me on my toes. But things are looking up, I AM CHANGING! TRYING EVERYWAY I CAN! Some part of my life will take longer to change than others, but with the support I have and am finding, I can do it. The helping hands are coming out of the woodworks and it is amazing. I never thought I would move and find friends that I could confide in and ask for help, when I really need it.

My motto has always been, "Life's a bitch, then you die." But as I get older, make the needed changes in my life and start to see the greener side of things as an adult, my motto is CHANGING too. "Life's a journey. Live it to the fullest."

Monday, April 19, 2010


I've been tanning for a few days and I am starting to see some color! YAY! Right? I am so excited about this that I tweet... "Well atleast I can wear a skirt without pantyhose and not blind people with my extreme whiteness anymore! Yay for tanning!" Ok, harmless, whatever no big deal. But I am still really excited! Finally getting that summer tan back!

So some douchebag, who I have no clue where he came from, tweets to me about how I should still wear hose tan or no tan... UM who the heck are you?? Definitely NOT my mom! So I tell him I am good without. It proceeds to this stupid back and forth. Him trying to tell me why I am not wearing them then, attempts to HIT ON ME!?! Are you kidding? You were an ass to start. Trying to tell me that I was wrong for not wearing hose, then proceed to tell me how hot I would look in them. CREEP!

This guy's twitter account is specifically for his hate for the lack of hose and love for hose! So at this point I am really annoyed and creeped out that this guy had the balls to hit on me through TWITTER, that I kind of snap. I first tell him he can go talk about his creepy fetish with someone else. He gets all bent out of shape and implies that I am classless! SERIOUSLY!?! Who is this guy?? So I call him out. I am done listening to this guys stupidity. And as simply as I can put it I tell him "wow! Are you insinuating that I don't have class? Just because you're a dirty skeezer who has to pray on Twitter to feed your nasty fetish and got called out on it, that makes me classless? Good try. I pride myself on my class thank you. Hose or not." He ofcourse got all butt hurt, because I dimed him out.

But seriously? Some middle aged "professor" whining about whether or not women wear hose?? It was so creepy and so disgusting! I can't believe some of the people out there! These are not your legs. There are 3 people in the world who have any right to tell me what I can and cannot wear. And 90% of the time I don't take their advise. So what made this guy think that, him telling me to wear PANTY HOSE was going to make me jump and run to the nearest store to buy a pair for the day? PASHAAA!! One, I do not spend 25$ a month on tanning to hide these legs, and two, this guy being a weirdo, just makes me want to wear hose that much less!!

Friday, April 9, 2010

High Hopes, Low Expectations

I moved here to Colorado, about 6 months ago. New to the area, I wasn't completely sure what parts of town were good and what weren't. Being a new couple starting out and me not having a job, we picked out the cheapest place we could find. It wasn't the Ritz, but it wasn't the worst I have seen either. It was on a golf course, surrounded by an elderly community. We were told the only issues they have are with cars. That's not too terrible. So we got the place, moved in and everything was fine. Things were pretty quite. No one bothered us, we bothered no one. It was all good. Every now and then there were domestic disputes in the parking lot. Whatever, still no issues.

Then the speculations started. Our neighbors get people knocking on their door at all hours of the night. And I'm not talking a couple knocks, the door opens and its done. These people knock for a few minutes before giving up. If you know these people, one, why are you showing up at their house when they aren't home. You should recognize if their car is there or not. Two, if they don't answer after the first 5 minutes of knocking, call them and see what's up... or GO AWAY! It is all really suspicious. Everyone claims drug dealers. LOVELY!

I get over the knocking. I don't even notice it anymore. But then the domestic disputes start to get lounder and MUCH more frequent. I hear one going on and look outside just in time to watch a girl punch a car, then proceed to punch a window out of one of the apartments! WHAT THE CRAP! Are you kidding me!?!? Who the heck can punch a window out! First thing everyone says is a meth head. OH BOY! It just gets better.

We have come home many nights to the cops taking someone out in handcuffs or just sitting outside the apartments. We even had the manager of the apartments come to our door one morning telling us to check our cars because there was a huge 10 man fight around them and they were worried there might have been some damage. SCREW THIS!

I am just beside myself on these apartments! I cannpt handle this place by myself. My husband is gone now, and I don't need to be scared for my life in my own home! Now that we have his orders, and we have the money, I have to get out!! But there's that little thing they call credit that is kicking us in the TAIL! We have had a rough go of things the past 6 months and our credit has suffered from it. Lucky me, I have to do all this hunting, begging, moving and settling all on my own.

I have found a great place, near my job, and with a friend there as well. It's awesome! It has everything I need and want! They are even willing to work with me and my crappy credit! But the next kicker... I will need a co-signer. GRRR!! This is a small hurtle, compared to others. But SHEESH! I just want things to go smoothly and that be the end of it. I am working on the co-signer thing. Hopefully I will be able to get this straight and into a wonderful and safe home soon!

It is just so hard to be optimistic about this when I am constantly being crapped on. I want this so bad, I need this! But I am just waiting for someone to once again tell me no. It's so frustrating. It was easier to deal with no's when my husband was here to tell me it will all be ok, but what am I going to do if they tell me no now?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My Blog Virginity

This is my disclaimer... I have never written a blog before. Not really sure what I should include or how often I should blog, so bare with me.

I have gone back and forth about what I should blog about. It started out with a blog cookbook. Then I just had my first deployment melt down and realized that I need somewhere to vent, somewhere to share my life stories, since my husband is gone for the time being.

I guess I will start out by telling you a little about myself. I am 23 years old and have been a part of the military my entire life. My dad was in the US Army for 23 years and a couple months. And to my dad's dismay, I married a SGT in the US Army. We have been married for three months, today and even though we have been to hell and back, I am hopelessly in love with him and thank God for him everyday! I am not just an Army wife, I am also a civilian government worker. I work at and education center, helping soldiers further their education. I love my job and even though I do a lot more "bitch" work than helpful work, I feel accomplished when I leave.

I have an amazing family back home, in Tennessee. My mom and dad are my rocks. I have disappointed them more than most parents should ever be disappointed, but they still love me and support me. They are the most intelligent, hard working, and kind-hearted people I know. I hope to one day hold the same attributes.

Finally, I hope you enjoy my stories. And can't wait to start venting and sharing with everyone. :)